We used to think of charm as an innate character trait, but can it be learned?
We offer 4 universal psychological techniques that will help you become a charming person.

Written by Ameli
Cognitive Psychologist

They easily attract attention and win the attention of others. They are always at the center of everyone’s fun and make friends all over the world. There is something magical about them that makes people want to spend as much time with them as possible.

Charm is not an inborn quality that is not passed on genetically. These are special traits that make a person more attractive in the eyes of others. It’s all about habits, a special attitude to the world and, of course, a few tricks that will make you a favorite among friends.

#1 General rules

A charming person makes you feel like you’ve known each other for a long time, even if you’ve just met. You may have different lifestyles, different interests, but you feel like you have something in common. How do they do it? They focus on what you have in common.

It could be similar life experiences, a shared interest in a topic, even if it’s the same song. If you want to connect with a person, find common causes. The more there are, the faster a sense of trust and understanding will emerge. When we feel that a person is similar to us, we automatically start to feel sympathy.

To find common ground, you need to listen carefully. When charming people listen to someone, they often insert the words “Yes,” “That’s right,” and “I understand you.” This makes the person they are talking to feel accepted and realize that their experience matters. We like people who evoke these kinds of emotions in us.

#2 Be yourself and be real!

Many people think that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. In fact, only someone who is confident can be real. This is inspiring.

By showing interest in people, you allow them to feel significant: they will then associate that feeling with you!

We often think those we admire are flawless. They have everything under control, don’t make mistakes, don’t get into awkward situations, and always achieve their goals. We admire their strength and confidence. We see them as the ideal who knows the answers to everything, while we are mired in unsolvable problems. Therefore, displays of vulnerability and imperfection have a powerful effect on us. We continue to admire the person, but now we feel closer to them. We feel that we are alike.

#3 Be proactive!

This is one of the main distinctions of charming people. They don’t wait for things to happen on their own, they just do it, even if success doesn’t inspire the slightest confidence. We admire people who easily take responsibility and demonstrate a belief in success.

Their confident behavior has nothing to do with aggression or a desire to dominate. The essence of charm is an interest in other people and life, not a desire to come first.

#4 Be someone’s inspiration

We love these people because they make us feel good about ourselves. What’s more, we start to feel better about ourselves, which is truly a priceless gift. How do they do that? Very simply: they make you feel special and important. And, most importantly, they do it completely sincerely, finding something beautiful and unique in each person.

Focus all your attention on the person in front of you, and they will be grateful to you. It doesn’t matter if you’re at the front door or backstage at a Rolling Stones concert. If you’re currently talking to the janitor, all of your attention should be given to him.

They laugh at jokes, are always happy about success and express it in words, infect you with a smile and optimism. They believe in you, thus helping you to believe in yourself. They give attention without abandon. They listen attentively and ask questions. They carry positive energy with them and share it. They want you to feel good about yourself.

This positive attitude and belief that you are a wonderful and amazing person makes them irresistible in our eyes. It is for the sake of this feeling that we seek to socialize with them. Charm may seem like a rare magical gift, but it’s a matter of habits, behavior and attitude!